In Tedd's Head
Gregory Mogren
“Take it.”
“No, no, he doesn't need it.”
“No, but he wants it.”
“Want? Yes. But just think of the consequences.”
“Who cares about consequences?”
“He does! Usually….”
“Usually?”
“Yes, usually. Sometimes he listens to you, but he regrets it afterwards!”
“Regret? You want to talk about regret? He listened to you and kept himself isolated from everyone in high
school to keep himself from getting emotionally hurt!”
“And he didn’t get hurt emotionally!”
“But dear lord was he lonely! He never talked to anyone!”
“He talks to people…online….”
“Online is not the same as talking to an actual human.”
“Hey! His online friends are real!”
“Yes, because OoOswaglord55OoO is definitely someone who he would want to talk to for an extended period.”
“He does talk to OoOswaglord55OoO a lot!”
“And by talk, you mean that they talk about the game.”
“Yup!”
“…”
“…What?”
“That doesn't count”
“Sure it does. He talks to someone for at least 3 hours a day.”
“In a chat bar! That is so impersonal.”
“A little, but it still is conversing with someone.”
“As I said before, it does not count. He has no interactions with actual humans.”
“Yes he does. What about that girl who he has class with?”
“Who he has never once talked to and just thinks that she looks pretty?”
“Ok, good point.”
“But back to the matter at hand. He should take this last doughnut.”
“But think of the trans fats!”
“Why should he care about trans fats?”
“Because he is 6 feet tall and almost 300 pounds!”
“Because someone keeps telling him that going outside is a bad idea!”
“It is. Have you seen the stuff that happens to you if you go outside?”
“You’re an idiot.”
“You’re an idiot!”
“So you are calling yourself an idiot.”
“So are you.”
“…”
“The doughnut’s gone…”
“Dang! He really wanted it…Oh look, a cookie!”
“NO!”