Excuse Me?
Samantha Willis

I go through the same routine every day. I wake up, get dressed, judge my clothes, judge my hair, walk out the door, and worry if I’ll be good enough. Once at work, my boss will tell me how good of a job I did on the paperwork the day before. I know he’s lying though. I didn’t get to spend as much time on it as I wanted, and there were a few places I could have worked harder. I know I made a mistake, too. I always make mistakes.
┬áMy coworker will say “hi” and try to make small talk with me. She thinks she’s better than me. Her hair always stays in place, makeup flawless, clothes stylish, and she is one of the hardest workers our company has. She makes everyone laugh, and there isn’t a person who could say a bad thing about her. My hair never stays in place, I hardly wear makeup, and have no fashion sense. I’ll never amount to her. She looks me over as we talk, and I feel the shame coming over me. My bangs aren’t flowing right today and she knows it. She can see the stain on my pants from my coffee accident this morning. I’ve thought about asking her for help. Asking her to help me be a better person, but then she will know. She will know that I know how she feels. I already know she will tell me I look beautiful and am a really good person. She will tell me she wishes she could be half the person I am, but she’ll be lying. I already know.
After work, I go to the store walking in the doors that say “Enter” and watch as others walk through whatever door is closest to them. I make sure to watch my surroundings and stay out of other people’s way while watching the expressions on their faces as I go past. I’m always polite and say “Excuse me” when walking in someone’s way. I expect to see a look of acceptance and happiness on their faces because I was thinking of them, but half the time I get a burdened smug expression with a sharp glare. It would only make the situation worse if I apologized, I always feel the need to. Will they remember me as the girl who said “Excuse me” when passing by in the store?